You Keep Me Sane
by barefoot and buckwild
Summary: "That's why we need each other. We can help each other through it more than anyone else can."


You Keep Me Sane

"_No! Leave me alone!" I find myself screaming as I continue to run, dragging my feet along behind me, careful not to trip._

_Just one false move and I trip? I don't even want to think about that. I've just got to get away from those mutts. _

"_Peeta!" I scream. Realizing he's not beside me. He doesn't move that fast. _

_I quickly turn on the spot and begin running back in the directions of the mutts. Hoping to get there before it's too late…_

_No! I refuse to let myself think like that. But it doesn't matter anyway. When I reach the mutts, I see them, tearing Peeta apart. I drop to my knees on the ground, feeling defeat. I just let the screams escape my throat, because it's all I can do…_

My eyes flash open and I quickly sit up, taking in my surroundings. I begin to calm down once I realize that I'm in my bedroom in the Victor's Village and no longer in the games.

_You're safe._ I force myself to believe.

_Peeta!_

"He's safe too," I hear myself say aloud. _Of course he is, he's over in his house next door. _

But I have to know for sure. I push the covers back and climb out of bed. I slowly make my way through my door and down the stairs.

Upon entering the living room, I noticed Peeta is also up. I can see the light coming from his house through the window. I walk over to the phone, pick it up and dial his number. I don't just want to show up on his doorstep uninvited after what happened between us.

"Hello," I hear his voice say after a few rings. "Katniss?"

Of course he thinks it's me, I'm probably the only one that would call him this late at night. "Do you mind if I come over?" I finally ask.

It's a while before he responds. I don't blame him; I guess it's kind of awkward since we haven't talked since that night on the train, coming back from the games.

"Sure, I guess," he quietly replies before hanging up.

I throw on a pair of shows, tumble out the door, cross the grass and find myself on Peeta's porch. I knock and wait a few minutes before he appears in the doorway. He moves me aside and allows me to walk through.

I hear him close the door behind me. "What brings you over here?" I can't read his voice, he sounds distant. And again, I don't blame him.

I turn around to face him. "I couldn't sleep…I thought you were the only one I could go to. You're the only other one who knows what I'm going through."

"There's Haymitch," he replies, stiffly.

_Is he still upset over that conversation on the train? _

"He's too drunk half the time to be of real help," I say because it's mostly the truth. Haymitch was a huge help during the games, but since we've been back in District 12, he's gone back to the bottle.

Maybe I should have told Peeta everything before, instead of waiting until after our games. Maybe he wouldn't act this coolly around me. But who can blame him? Maybe I deserve it. I should just apologize, but I don't even know where I should start.

"You've got a point," I hear Peeta reply.

There's a moment of silence between us. An awkward silence.

"I'm sorry," I blurt out, before I realize what I'm saying.

I can see I've taken him by surprise, because he just stands there for a while, staring at me before he replies. "What?"

I take a breath. "I'm sorry," I say again. "For everything…I just didn't know how to keep us both alive in the arena. Yes, I admit, at first it was all an act, but—"And again, I'm at a loss for words. What am I even supposed to say?

"But what?" Peeta says. "You can't possible feel the way about me that I've felt about you since the first time I saw you."

"You know what I'm going through with the games and the nightmares," I say. "You've always looked out for me, in the games, and even before then – when you didn't even know me. You saved me from Cato, earning you that cut that could have cost you your life and that prosthetic leg…You gave me that bread that saved my family from starving to death, which in turn probably earning you a beating from your mother.

"I don't deserve someone like you, I really don't. Yet, you chose me. I just don't get it. I really don't. Even with how we left things that night on the train, you still love me. I've hurt you so much, but I never meant to. If it wasn't for you, my whole family would probably be dead and I go and do this to you…I just wish we could go back to before…Before we were 'the star-crossed lovers from District Twelve.' Back to when we were just friends.

"We're going to have to spend a lot of time together, on this victory tour, making the districts believe we're still the star-crossed lovers. Then each year when we go back to the Capitol as mentors for the games, it's likely to be brought up again. We may as well be civil." I finally finish my speech and feel a little better that I've gotten all that off my chest. "We're never going to stop being pieces in their games."

"It's the truth. You did save mine and my family's life," I continue, before he says anything. "Most importantly, you've saved mine, more than once and who knows what you're going to do in the future. I'll probably never stop owing you."

"I'd do anything to protect you," he says. "But I'm sure you knew that…I'd like to be civil again," he adds after a while. "I've missed talking to you. I've missed you in general."

I can't help but smile, because in truth I've also missed Peeta. Probably not in the same way he's missed me, but I've still missed being able to talk to him. "Friends?" I say.

"Friends," he agrees.

There is it. An agreement made with a word just as simple as that.

"What did you mean before, about still being a piece in the games?" he asks

_Maybe I shouldn't have said that._

"They always replay the games, don't they?" I say. "Every year, there's going to be new tributes and we're going to be mentors. They're probably going to bring up the star-crossed lovers thing every year. It's not going to be over."

"So you're stuck with me?" he asked and I can't tell if he's hurt by that or not.

I move closer to him."That's not really a bad thing."

"Maybe it is," he says. "If you can't sort out your feelings."

_Yeah, that hurt a bit._

Have I sorted out my feelings for Peeta and Gale? Even if I haven't, it doesn't matter anymore. Anything that I could have had with Gale isn't important. Not that I even thought of anything between me and Gale. We were just friends. Hunting pals. 'Cousins' because of the Games.

But I never felt anymore than just friendship with Gale. "Maybe I have," I tell him. "Being with you, is different than being with Gale. We were only just friends and hunting pals. I never even thought of anything more between us…I don't really know how to explain it but I just felt _something_ around you.

"It's probably not the same way you feel about me, but we can get to that, eventually… we're going to have to keep it up anyway," I tell him.

"You're serious?" he asks me, as if he can't believe what he heard.

"Yes," I reply, because it's the truth. And I know it is, or it will be. I'll never feel the way about Gale that I do about Peeta.

A few moments of silence passes before he speaks again. "So, I take it you had a nightmare?"

I nod. "You too?"

He nods, and begins to walk towards the couch. I follow him and take a seat beside him. "It's the games, isn't it?" I ask, although I already know the answer is yes.

"I just can't escape them."

I look at him. "Neither can I…that's why we need each other. We can help each other through it more than anyone else can."

He pulls me into his arms and I feel safer. He starts stroking my back and I lay my head on his shoulder. He moves back towards the pillow and lies on it. I shuffle around and reposition myself, so I lay beside him. He reaches over me and pulls the blanket over both of us.

"Stay with me," I hear him say.

"Always," I reply.

We just lay there, looking into each other's eyes, not saying anything. It's as if there are only us in the world.

"You keep me sane," I hear myself say before I slip into unconsciousness and fall asleep with my head on his chest.

* * *

AN: This just popped out at me and so I had to write it. So I hope you liked it :) And it would mean a lot if you could maybe leave a review? :)

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, as I'm not Suzanne Collins; I'm just borrowing them for this fanfiction.


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